The Measure of a Moron: Brides Resort to “Feeding Tube Diet” to Drop Pounds Fast

When this story broke a few days ago, I was in utter disbelief. In a drastic effort to lose weight before their wedding day, brides are turning to the controversial feeding tube diet, or “K-E Diet”. The “diet” involves being fed intravenously through the nose a mixture of vitamins and nutrients, while toting the liquid feed bag around as you “go about your business”, as quoted by one dieter. Business? Only a person with no responsibilities in life would have the time to entertain such nonsense. The fact this is even called considered a weight loss plan is terrifying. What’s worse is that a medical professional is standing behind this diet, boasting that “brides are able to lose massive amounts of weight on this plan” to achieve their weight loss goals.

Of course they’re losing weight- they’re dying! 
One would think that these woman would feel shame, or at least a bit silly going about their “daily business” with a feeding tube attached to their face (when they are otherwise physically healthy) but appallingly, they are taking comfort in the fact that “people just assume that I am dying of a terminal illness”. Well, I won’t argue that any woman who resorts to such asinine measures to drop a few pounds before her wedding is clearly sick in the head, however letting on that one is terminally ill is just plain sick. To think, all this misery in the quest to achieve the “happiest day of your life”.

The Feeding Tube Diet

Diet aside, the most frightening part to this crazy diet has got to be the monster Bridezilla that would emerge out of this plan! A ravenous, raging psycho bitch, ready to tear into her bridesmaids for the slightest wedding miss. Bridesmaid survival Strategy #1 when dealing with a crazy bitch on this diet? Avoid vanilla-scented ANYTHING at all costs, unless cannibalism is your thing. Mazel tov!


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