Michelle Duggar, human baby dispenser and firm believer of the saying “The Higher the Hair, the Closer to God“, is a lady who aims to please. On the season premiere of 19 Kids and Counting, Michelle speaks at a conference to share her tips on how to be a good Christian wife. Michelle’s wife bible, entitled “Seven Basic Needs Of A Husband” is distributed to the group, and is now posted online.
“A WOMAN’S HAIRSTYLE MUST REFLECT HER HUSBAND’S WISHES”
Unless that man wants to shell out for weekly dye jobs to achieve Gwen Stefani’s platinum perfection, that shit ain’t happening! Michelle, this is NOT the look! Jim Bob is tricking you, woman! He clearly keeping you low, as the only man who would look twice are either toothless, illiterate or inbred.
In addition to this subservient gold, Michelle dishes out other sound advice for the wife whose ultimate goal in life is to please her man’s every needs, 24-7.
A WIFE SHOULD DRESS TO PLEASE HER HUSBAND.
I shudder at this one. Left to their own devices, most men would grab a handful of t-shirts at Mark’s Work Warehouse and be done with it. In Michelle’s case, I’m not sure why she bothers dressing at all. She’s basically been horizontal and bottomless for majority of her adult life, which makes Jim Bob’s fashion picks for her pretty easy anyway.
REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKES, HE ENJOYS SEEING OFTEN.
I enjoy seeing two round trip tickets to London, with an all-expenses-paid stay at The Savoy, and I enjoy seeing it often. Is that too much to ask, dear husband?!
ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO DEFINE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. AFTER APPEALING, FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE BENEFITS, WHATEVER HAPPENS.
Even if you’re blindfolded. Even if you’re bound to the bed with handcuffs. Even if you are only uncuffed to prepare dinner and clean the toilets. Focus on the positives, ladies! In the wonderful, albeit brief, jaunt to the kitchen, there will plenty of time to stare desperately out the window and attempt to make eye contact with a passerby. See? There’s always an upside to slavery!
BUILD APPRECIATION FOR YOUR HUSBAND’S MOTIVES, EVEN IF HIS IDEAS ARE WRONG.
WIFE: “Honey, I really don’t think it’s wise to blow through our entire life savings on a 5 day liquor and whore binge in Atlantic City”.
HUSBAND (a.k.a Pimp): Shut UP, bitch! Me husband-man. Me not dumb-dumb.
Now, I respect Michelle’s right to religious freedom. America is a free country and Michelle can please her Jim Bob anyway that she sees fit. However, as modern, self-sufficient woman, I can’t help but to frown at her subservient attitude. It’s clear she really believes this code of moral ethics. But really, to be frank, it’s not like she has a choice. 19 Kids and Counting, people! Stealing away in the dead of night in the family minivan isn’t really an option at this point.
Click below for Michelle’s 10 Commandments (Of Subservient Slavery)